Renee L. Osterberger

Renee L. Osterberger

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(no subject)	[Dec. 3rd, 2009 l 05:30 pm]
hab·it, hab'it, n. A disposition or involuntary tendency to act constantly in a certain manner, usually acquired by frequent repetition; an addiction or usage; as, the habit of smoking, habit of fault finding; a customary condition, constitution, or characteristic trait
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happy holidays motherfuckers

[Nov. 26th, 2009 l 12:00 pm]

[

music

the broadways

]

third graders holding hands
indians and pilgrims celebrating newfound lands
they tried to teach me that at school
make the white man look superior, it's always been their rule
now I can't believe we celebrate Thanksgiving as a holiday of unity and peace
if I had my way, we'd all dress in black
and daddy would serve up the white meat
'cause genocide is nothing to celebrate, extinction doesn't deserve a parade
and we perpetuate these lies with the turkeys that we buy
I tried explaining to my mom but she's too afraid to admit to herself
that her race is a killing machine
take a look around your town and who do you see?
the Native American is surprisingly absent in his own indigenous land
do you want to know why? it's 'cause we killed them all
it's not that hard to understand
so I go to college and you know what I learned?
that 80 million people were killed
by my grandpa, your grandpa, and all of their friends
they bleached out our continent but that's not the end
the last full blooded Aborigine died a century ago
if it's possible there's a place in the southern hemisphere
with a history even worse than our own
no one finds it peculiar
that a tropical island is full of people just like you and me
but Australia's a piece of shit floating in the Pacific
buoyed by the blood of the Aborigine
buoyed by the blood of the Aborigine.

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(no subject)	[Nov. 8th, 2009 l 10:58 pm]
remember how things used to seem a lot more exciting when you were a kid? how anticipatory stomach-fluttering would prevent you from feeling tired the night before christmas, even though all you wanted to do was fall asleep in order to wake up in a new day and open presents? I've been getting that feeling a lot lately.
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note to self:	[Nov. 5th, 2009 l 07:35 pm]
You're a big gross dummy bitch stop smoking and drinking so much those crutches are broken and will never help you stand upright for your health.
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(no subject)	[Nov. 1st, 2009 l 11:39 pm]
I feed off of the personalities of others, and baby, you've got me full.
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round two...	[Oct. 23rd, 2009 l 01:46 am]
I have this horrible habit of jumping from relationship to relationship without giving myself any free time. I jump from person to person because I don't like being alone, obviously. I'm starting to realize that I never let myself get "over" someone because I move on to something new to help detract from the leftover feelings I have for someone else. I understand that my behavior is incredibly selfish and probably the reason I can't make a relationship last longer than a year. I don't think I even know what it's like to be in a healthy relationship...or maybe I do and I just wanted more. I'm tired of letting myself get hurt over and over again. I need to do something to change this, but what the fuck would that be? I feel like I've tried several times to change my dating patterns, yet somehow it always ends up the same. I've been told that I should just stay single for a year and see what comes of it. I highly doubt that I could do it. dating someone because you're sad and lonely is about the worst thing you can do, trust me, I'm a seasoned professional. you'll just end up trying to find all of the solutions to your problems in someone who is doing the same thing to you, and when you both come up empty handed, regret starts to settle in and you end up more miserable than when you started (only now you're having meaningless sex). I wish I could stand on my own two feet for once. I need to stop relying on other people to solve my problems for me. I'm probably the biggest pussy I know...or maybe the second, but fuck it. I didn't start dating until I was eighteen years old; a little over four years ago. I have dated five people since then. one of those relationships wasn't even real, so I guess you could say that I average about one person a year. it's not all that bad when I lay it out like that...or is it? I can't imagine going an entire year without having someone to call, kiss, or do special things for. I enjoy the build-up, but I hate the middle and end. however, the idea of a fleeting relationship in which nothing is gained or lost has never done much for me either. I need commitment, even though I can't handle it. I wonder if I'll ever actually get to say "I love you" and mean/receive it.
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(no subject)

[Oct. 22nd, 2009 l 11:22 pm]

[

music

the smiths

]

I am a mess of emotions right now. I haven't been able to eat due to nerves. all I do is drink and smoke. I hate how life has a repetitious quality that I can't seem to shake. I think I'm just a sucker for the people who can hurt me the most. I'm pretty sure I'd be better off sitting at home by myself and smoking all day. I wish I could find what I'm looking for instead of tricking myself into believing that I've found it. I need pills...or a good friend. not to say that my friends aren't great, I just want someone to have real talk with. I'm going to schedule my late fall classes tomorrow. I still need to get all of my shots and blood tests before winter. I'm dreading working in a hospital for an entire term. I keep thinking about skipping a term just so I don't have to get shots. I'm a puss-and-a-half. speaking of puss...I have to go to the gynecologist tomorrow also. boo

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