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[Nov. 8th, 2009 l 10:58 pm] |
remember how things used to seem a lot more exciting when you were a kid? how anticipatory stomach-fluttering would prevent you from feeling tired the night before christmas, even though all you wanted to do was fall asleep in order to wake up in a new day and open presents?
I've been getting that feeling a lot lately.
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| note to self: |
[Nov. 5th, 2009 l 07:35 pm] |
You're a big gross dummy bitch
stop smoking and drinking so much
those crutches are broken and will never help you stand upright
for your health. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 1st, 2009 l 11:39 pm] |
I feed off of the personalities of others, and baby, you've got me full.
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 29th, 2009 l 12:23 am] |
| [ | music |
| | the lawrence arms | ] |
hesitation was the station I used to get on at.
now it's asshole. can you picture that?
fuck yous and thems have fucked me up.
an idiot who can't keep her mouth shut.
oh shit! oh fuck! it's dicks to suck.
well, bend me down, I'll pucker up.
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| round two... |
[Oct. 23rd, 2009 l 01:46 am] |
I have this horrible habit of jumping from relationship to relationship without giving myself any free time. I jump from person to person because I don't like being alone, obviously. I'm starting to realize that I never let myself get "over" someone because I move on to something new to help detract from the leftover feelings I have for someone else. I understand that my behavior is incredibly selfish and probably the reason I can't make a relationship last longer than a year. I don't think I even know what it's like to be in a healthy relationship...or maybe I do and I just wanted more. I'm tired of letting myself get hurt over and over again. I need to do something to change this, but what the fuck would that be? I feel like I've tried several times to change my dating patterns, yet somehow it always ends up the same. I've been told that I should just stay single for a year and see what comes of it. I highly doubt that I could do it. dating someone because you're sad and lonely is about the worst thing you can do, trust me, I'm a seasoned professional. you'll just end up trying to find all of the solutions to your problems in someone who is doing the same thing to you, and when you both come up empty handed, regret starts to settle in and you end up more miserable than when you started (only now you're having meaningless sex). I wish I could stand on my own two feet for once. I need to stop relying on other people to solve my problems for me. I'm probably the biggest pussy I know...or maybe the second, but fuck it. I didn't start dating until I was eighteen years old; a little over four years ago. I have dated five people since then. one of those relationships wasn't even real, so I guess you could say that I average about one person a year. it's not all that bad when I lay it out like that...or is it? I can't imagine going an entire year without having someone to call, kiss, or do special things for. I enjoy the build-up, but I hate the middle and end. however, the idea of a fleeting relationship in which nothing is gained or lost has never done much for me either. I need commitment, even though I can't handle it. I wonder if I'll ever actually get to say "I love you" and mean/receive it.
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 22nd, 2009 l 11:22 pm] |
I am a mess of emotions right now. I haven't been able to eat due to nerves. all I do is drink and smoke. I hate how life has a repetitious quality that I can't seem to shake. I think I'm just a sucker for the people who can hurt me the most. I'm pretty sure I'd be better off sitting at home by myself and smoking all day. I wish I could find what I'm looking for instead of tricking myself into believing that I've found it. I need pills...or a good friend. not to say that my friends aren't great, I just want someone to have real talk with. I'm going to schedule my late fall classes tomorrow. I still need to get all of my shots and blood tests before winter. I'm dreading working in a hospital for an entire term. I keep thinking about skipping a term just so I don't have to get shots. I'm a puss-and-a-half. speaking of puss...I have to go to the gynecologist tomorrow also. boo |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 13th, 2009 l 05:13 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | the jesus and mary chain | ] |
there comes a point in life where you either accept whatever you're doing and just exist,
or stop talking about what you used to be and do something completely different.
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